The “Journey to Joy” requires attention to the mind, body and spirit and none of these can be neglected as we travel on the highway of life. Visualize a strong plaited rope, three powerful strands woven together to create a line strong enough to tie a boat safely to its moorings. In the same way, the cord that attaches each of us to our inner strength is made up of powerfully connected aspects of body, mind and spirit. If any of these become out of balance the stability of our life is greatly affected. How can we tell if this is happening to us?

In this article, I will talk about signs that may indicate where we may be neglecting ourselves. Next month I will focus on tools that help to strengthen our awareness before it causes major problems.

Are you constantly feeling tired, getting sick with re-occurring complaints such as headaches, backaches, colds etc? This is a good indication that you may not be paying enough attention to your body and its health. Are you exercising daily, eating a healthy diet and taking enough time for rest? These can all affect how you feel physically

Your mind can also affect your body in powerful ways. When I talk about the mind, I am also talking about emotions because the messages we give ourselves in our mind are connected to powerful emotions or feelings. If we are raised to believe that any experience or expression of anger is wrong, that belief becomes wired within us. We will therefore, deny angry feelings and they will eventually drop down into our body where they will simmer and eventually erupt into physical symptoms. This can also happen with grief, guilt, happiness or any of the major feeling groups. Depression and anxiety are main indications that there is something wrong in the dialogue between mind and emotion. Sadly these wise symptoms of imbalance are usually medicated and avoided instead of worked with and listened to. If we pay attention to them and learn to dialogue with them, they can be an excellent source of understanding and change. If we continue to ignore them, they will result in problems in the body.

As a psychotherapist, I am very aware of how too much emphasis on the mind can cause as many problems as too little. Sometimes it becomes too easy to analyze and get caught up in our thinking and beliefs with the result that we ignore the messages of our heart. Our goal is to learn to use our thinking in service to our true, authentic feelings.

How do you know whether physical complaints are originating in the mind or with feelings? If you feel you are doing everything to nourish and care for your body, then it is a good idea to explore your emotions and beliefs.

Our spiritual beliefs or practice affect both the mind and the body. If we have no spiritual values, there is little meaning in life. If we have too much spiritual practice, we can be cut off from feelings and body. Marion Woodman, who is a Jungian Analyst specializing in women’s psychology and the mind/body/spirit connection defines soul as being “embodied spirit”. She suggests the importance of building a bodily container that is strong enough to contain spirit. This container consists of a physical body as well as an ego body. It is the combination of mind and body. For many people, the spiritual aspect is disembodied - it allows escape from the pain of the emotional and/or the physical. We have to remember that we are spiritual beings attempting to live in a physical body so we have to learn how to live within its constraints. If you are neglecting your spirit, you may feel a sense of hopelessness or meaningless in your life. You may see no beauty or happiness in anything you do. This indicates it is time to do things you enjoy, take time for yourself and begin to discover a world outside of the world you have created. If you are spending too much time in the world of spirit, it may be reflected in the outside world. Is your life, here and now where you want it to be or do you need to make it easier to live with?

As you can see, the relationship between body mind and spirit is very complicated and has to be frequently monitored as a whole, at the same time honoring all three aspects separately. We cannot make changes to one aspect, without it affecting the other two. Healing can take place by initiating change in any one area.

Do your own personal inventory today and join me next month to learn tools for understanding more about this complex connection.

When I refer to ‘Conscious Femininity’, I think of the inner journey. It’s important to realize that the term has nothing to do with the female gender but applies to the feminine in both men and women. Jung spoke of men having a feminine side and women having a masculine side. For men it is called the anima and for women the animus. Mid life is usually the time when we start to become more aware of our contra-gender nature and the challenge is to learn more about it and work toward the coniunctio or inner marriage. The movie ‘Shall we Dance?’ is a wonderful example of an aging man discovering his anima side. Richard Gere projected his inner feminine on to Jennifer Lopez and fell in love with her. The movie illustrated how he came to terms with this new aspect of himself, knowing that it was really his wife whom he loved. In doing this, he was able to add a richer dimension to himself and his relationships and everyone around him benefited.

 The inner journey is therefore the road we take inwards in an introspective way to learn more about ourselves and our soul’s path. It is the process of withdrawing all the projections we have placed on others. As we move further on this inner road we discover things about ourselves we never knew existed. This journey is frequently very painful but at the same time hugely rewarding. It is a process of becoming more aware or more conscious - not only of ourselves but the world around us.

In her book, ‘The Pregnant Virgin’, Marion puts it this way:

‘The word “feminine” as I understand it, has very little to do with gender, nor is the woman the custodian of femininity. Both men and women are searching for their pregnant virgin. She is the part of us who is outcast, the part who comes to consciousness through going into darkness, mining our leaden darkness, until we bring her silver out.’

Both men and women have been raised to adapt to rigid roles of what is male and what is female. These roles have been handed down for decades through families. Until this generation they were rarely questioned. The 60’s saw women who were attempting to break out of this unforgiving stereotype. They did this by trying to become equal to men and calling for women’s liberation. While this was essential for women to gain a foothold in the mostly masculine business world, it frequently resulted in women masquerading as men and sacrificing their feminine qualities. Now we see more and more women who are becoming burned out from believing they have to be wonder women - doing everything at home as well as standing toe to toe with their counterparts in Corporate America.

For men, the path has been just as difficult. Their roles have demanded that they provide for their wives and children, without ever showing emotions. They have rarely known the luxury of finding work they love to do, because responsibility has been foisted on them from an early age. They are groomed to succeed in the business world which means their concept of success is bound up in the ego, setting goals, making money and achieving. They do not have the time or the energy to embark on an inner journey to discover who they are and God forbid they should talk about ’soul’ or ‘feelings’ to friends or family. For them, it has been and continues to be a very lonely life.

‘Conscious Femininity’ means having the courage to take this path into the unknown to discover who is really there, underneath the roles that are being played out. This is a journey that both men and women must take if we want to see changes in the world around us. The traditional patriarchal values are no longer working for us as we see corporations biting the dust and political turmoil everywhere. Our environment is suffering as we run rough shod over the land and carve out ownership, uprooting trees and killing animals and vegetation in an attempt to make more money and bigger profits. Our physical health is breaking down as we see increases in cancer and auto immune diseases. We need to establish different values and find different ways to relate to ourselves, other people and the environment. We can do this by going into the darkness within ourselves - each person step by step.

You may ask how you can begin this journey. You can begin by doing psychotherapy with a therapist who is well versed in this work. Working with your dreams is crucial because they will provide the signposts and knowledge of the unconscious. Reading self improvement books can help with this descent. Body work is important because freeing the body will also begin to free the mind and emotions. Yoga is specifically designed to facilitate this. There are also workshops available that allow you to explore the mind/body/spirit connection.

Take the first step today towards ‘Conscious Femininity’ by making a commitment to yourself to learn who you are and where you are going. I can help you with this by providing many of these services and/or making suggestions or referrals.

Sadly, the problems of life and the difficulties we encounter over the years, often result in us losing this spontaneous and happy response to our environment. We become somewhat jaded and lose the trust that we once had. We make decisions about ourselves and life in general that keep us stuck. We fail to notice the gifts that Mother Nature, as well as friends and family, bring us on a daily basis. We frequently become trapped by our own worries and perceived limitations. We lose our zest for life! If we are lucky, we may finally realize we have created a play that we don’t like very much and wonder how this has happened. We can then begin to do something about it. The ‘Journey to Joy’ involves recapturing these child-like qualities of wonder, delight and trust and requires that we begin to live more consciously and in an ‘Inner Way’. When we decide to take this step, we push our boat off from the moorings of the lake with no idea where we are going. We take responsibility for ourselves and become the helmsman of our craft – no more blaming others for an unfulfilled life. We begin to realize that we cannot find joy outside of ourselves because all too often it can be taken away in an instant. The tragedy of September 11th is a perfect example of this. We have to learn to create a solid center inside of us that never falters. To do this, we must find a way to journey to this center and overcome all the obstacles that we find in our way. It is a hero’s journey and is not to be taken lightly. It involves stripping away everything that comes between us and this central connection to the Divine, for it is in this connection that we begin to rediscover the joy.

This monthly column will provide insights on this journey and offer questions to help you begin to explore your own personal path. It will share tools for discovery and ideas for change. If you are not fully engrossed and delighted in the play you have created called your life, make a commitment to change and take your first step on a ‘Journey to Joy’.